Brenda Clubine

Prevention Connection: The Violence Against Women Prevention Partnership is a national project of the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault. The goal of Prevention Connection is to advance the primary prevention of violence against women by facilitating information sharing among people who are engaged in such efforts.  Click here to have a listen to the interview with myself and the Sin by Silence team.

On May 2, 2010 I was given the honor of being the recipient of the “Ruby Award” this award was named after a woman named Ruby Miner. The award was given to me by the Newport Harbor Area, District II Soroptimist International. I never imagined as we arrived, at the Westin South Coast Plaza in Costa Mesa, that I would be so awestruck and speechless. Yes, I said I was speechless. (ha,ha)

When we all entered through the door into the lobby, there were so many things happening from photo shoots being done to ensuring that people were being registered. A woman approached me, and soon a few others as well, with warm beautiful smiles and welcoming greetings. I was then told that I would be following a procession when my name was called, into the ballroom area. I was a nervous wreck and on the verge of tears without even being called yet. I was scared to death I would trip and fall walking into the room, or that I wouldn’t wave as they suggested I do upon entering.

When my name was called I found that I almost felt like I was floating on air. I entered into a room of “sparkle” and smiles. These smiles came from dear friends, family, and people I had never even had the pleasure of meeting yet. I was overwhelmed with the thought of trying to remember where I was supposed to sit and if after receiving breakfast and eating would I have food in my teeth.

After breakfast and the formalities were completed, all the recipients for the Ruby Award and the Violet Richardson Awards were called to be seated on the stage. As the first Ruby Award Recipient from District I stood and spoke, I felt as though I wondered why I had been chosen for this honor - that my fighting and speaking on behalf of domestic violence victims and survivors is something I have to do. It is as important and breathing, my hearts conviction.

As I approached the podium, I could feel my heart beat in my head and the woman I passed said “breathe”. I began my acceptance speech by saying, “I was just told to breathe, so here I go.” The room filled with chuckles and I felt at ease.

I felt so honored and proud to be up there and being given such a prestigious award by a world renowned organization. After speaking and once handed my award, I felt as though I could not even imagine really being there. I was thinking as I sat back down that “good grief Brenda,” I have spoken in front of hundreds of people and yet I never felt so overwhelmed with the entire situation. This was a memorable moment that I will never forget. I am truly “Living my dream.”

Again, I was able to have the awesome opportunity to travel to Mescalero, New Mexico to show the domestic violence documentary Sin By Silence and  speak at the Apache Women’s Wellness Conference, just the name had me excited as I could only imagine how great it was going to be. As we arrived at the Inn of the Mountain Gods where we would be staying I was reminded of the beauty of the area. How gorgeous the lake looked and how much I wish I could stay forever. I was very much looking forward to seeing friends who had become very important in my life and enjoying time with them.

Once checked in, I proceeded down to the Conference Center where I would be speaking. Upon reaching the registration area I could hear laughter and music all at the same time. The laughter was coming from the Conference room where on the stage stood a man telling some wonderful jokes, I too began to laugh and could see how the women were just smiling and taking in the evening. Behind the man telling jokes was a group of men playing music, there was a melodic sound coming from their instruments that I had never known, it was beautiful. As I went the next morning to prepare for my speaking and attend the early breakfast in the hallways outside of the conference room were tables filled with Indian hand made jewelry, some of the most beautiful jewelry I had ever seen. Yes, I had to purchase a few items and am so very proud to wear them.

As the conference got on its way, and speakers began to reach the audience, I felt an overwhelming feeling of honor and pride to be a part of this gathering. Sin By Silence was shown and I could see all the women wiping their eyes and preparing to listen intently to my speaking. It was a great crowd in that there is such a camaraderie with women, that the power of women is an amazing force. It touched my heart to speak to these women, there were approximately 350 women attending. How awesome these ladies have the chance to gather and share their stories with each other and hear the stories and experiences of those who speak. I am so proud to have been a part of the conference and hope I can return again. Thank you, Mescalero!

I recently had the amazing opportunity to be part of the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence Legislative Action Days in Sacramento, California at the State Capitol. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I haven’t been fighting for victims now for more than 28 years, it’s just that being able to be there in person and truly have the chance to make a difference opened my my eyes in a way that I found to be very profound. It became very real to me that as we met with Assemblymembers and Senators we were the voice of countless nameless, faceless victims that could not speak for themselves due to being trapped in an abusive relationship.

We spoke of how imperative it is that SBX 313 be supported, or all of the shelters across the state will have no funding as their current funds are gone effective June 30th. How can anyone ask “why does she stay,” when we have the audacity not to ensure a safe place for her to go to when she does finally garner the courage to make that step and call? I have been asked more times than I would like to admit why didn’t I leave, and I say the same thing every time. If there was a simple answer to that question I would be rich! But, there isn’t…because for everyone it is different. I could begin by saying “I didn’t know better.” Then I could say that the threats and isolation left me feeling as though there there was no place for me to go. I could say when I did get the courage to call a shelter I felt utter helplessness when I was told they were full and could not help me. I could say that my husband would tirelessly hunt me down until he would find me and remind me that I could and would never survive without him. I was nothing and I believed it lock, stock and barrel.

I am grateful to be able to go to the Capitol and know that victims voices are being heard through people like myself and the members of CPEDV as well as the Sin By Silence filmmakers. I can truly say this was an experience for a lifetime to remember and I hope that I will have many more opportunities to advocate on behalf of domestic violence victims and survivors. This was my dream come true that I had waited to do and only could dream of.

You see, we can all make a difference!!

There was once a time when I felt so alone and broken that I never imagined I would be able to feel any different. Coming from an abusive childhood and then in an abusive marriage, I knew in my spirit it was no good but I just didn’t know what to do. I felt as though I was not going to survive.

What makes the difference today? I am continuing to heal from my abusive past and that it is possible to do. But, I work with other victims in the hopes they do not have to live the same nightmare I lived at one time. It is awesome to know that I am not alone and I control my decisions for me today!

I am currently in New Mexico preparing to continue to awesome journey of educating people through the amazing power of Sin By Silence. I am excited to have the opportunity to screen at the Mescalero Apache high school on the reservation near Ruidoso. I feel is so important that we have the chance to reach teenagers at the age where they are making decisions about relationships that could potentially affect their entire life. I am so proud to do this advocacy and look forward to sharing my currrent journey with you all.

I remember cowering in the corner and actually begging my abuser to go ahead and hit me! I would rather that than be called the names I was being called and being told all the ugly things that could possibly be said about me. I actually thought I was all those words that were said.

It is not something that leaves scars on the outside, but on the inside and it was hard to explain to people what I was feeling. The great part is, today I know better! The healing has taken hold and I know that love doesn’t hurt and that words are very powerful. I also know that I am the keeper of life today, no one controls me.

WOW!! I can’t believe the Sin By Silence Tour has actually come to an end. I have had the most amazing and profound experiences being on the tour the past couple of months. I never imagined really being able to see and feel the passion and fire for change in the communities we were lucky enough to be a part of. I have personally met some awesome people and organizations that truly are working to make a difference. Could it get any better than this? NO!! And if you haven’t checked out Sin by Silence yet you can visit www.SinBySilence.com

I am beyond words grateful for Sin By Silence and the social change it has been effecting and will continue to do. The opportunity I was given, thanks to all those who contributed to this life changing documentary, and all those who sponsored us over the past several months in your homes, organizations, and communities is priceless. I look forward to continuing our new found relationships and working with those who continue to make a difference. I wish I could truly put into words what this entire experience has given me personally. I can only in what small way that I can, let each and every one who I have met know, that I am touched and thank you all for your support, and love.

It’s been an amazing journey touring the country with Sin by Silence to help start important conversations that can save lives!

Great coverage on NBC in Springfield, MO…one of our many stops along the Sin by Silence tour!