Why Didn’t I Leave?
If I had a dime for every time someone asked me “why didn’t you just leave” I would be rich now. Why doesn’t anyone ever ask why is he hitting you and why doesn’t he leave? When will society stop blaming the victims of domestic violence, and start holding the abusers responsible for their actions?
I guess in retrospect, I wish someone had just been there for me at all. This is why I have to try and be there for even one person. That’s what really matters. I can make a difference!
June 3rd, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Wow Brenda this is very powerfull, thank you again for your strength towards change. You are an amazing woman.
June 4th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Kelly,
Thank you so very much for your kind words and encouragement.
June 4th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Kelly,
With all of us working together to make change maybe one day there will be alot fewer victims of domestic violence.
It only takes just one person to change the world one person at a time, and that is why education in domestic violence is so very important.
June 5th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
I am ashamed to admit that this was the question I always seemed to think whenever I heard stories of a woman who was being abused. It wasn’t until after seeing Sin by Silence and hearing you speak that I began to think differently. Thank you for standing up and speaking out and helping people to change their way of thinking.
June 6th, 2009 at 10:37 am
Amanda, please don’t feel bad or alone in the way you previously thought as everyone usually feels the same. It’s once you’ve taken the opportunity to be educated that matters. Education opens the door to understanding. Thank you for your words of encouragement.
June 10th, 2009 at 8:31 am
Brenda, thank you so much for being a voice that so many victims of DV can’t be!
My baby sister at 32, was beaten to death by her boyfriend after struggling for 11 yrs to get out. It was too late for her, but with people like you hopefully it will give strength to those like her before it’s gets to that point.
June 11th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
Kim, I so deeply appreciate you sharing your family tragedy with me. It is vitally important for me to work to educate those who are domestic violence victims as well as the friends and family of victims. It is my heartfelt dream that through “Sin By Silence” and my sharing, that at least one person can be saved from this too silent tragedy.
It is with encouragement from people like you who have been touched by domestic violence as well as those who may not have been directly touched, that I am humbled beyond words and hope that I can do justice to those who have been lost. Thank you!
November 16th, 2009 at 11:41 am
Dear Brenda,
Blaming the victim is something I have a hard time with also. I hate it when people ask me what my daughter did to deserve being handcuffed raped and almost killed by her then husband.
Or I hear “that’s not over yet?” Or they’d say she kept taking him back. Family members and close friends are sometimes the worse critics.
Now my daughter says she was rescued in the rape. Because it bought her time to get away.
For some reason I knew she was a captive and was being tortured. It was much more like a POW and she was trying to keep herself and her children alive.
I began to tell others and encouraged her to tell. And she did, she had a Chicago Tribune Reporter follow her for months. They printed her story and did a good job.
She and her children have 1 year of freedom before he is again released. We no doubt he will continue his reign of terror. Unless he dies we will forever be watching for him and the family court has put her life in danger too many times.
I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing your video but I have read about you and watched the trailer. (I want to buy) What happened to you is horrible and I am so sorry for all you have suffered.
You’re in my prayers and I am so glad you are out now. God bless you and thank you for all you do to help others.
This is her story. http://timesupblog.blogspot.com/2009/10/mothers-and-daughters-of-abuse.html
November 25th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
Cherry, what an amazingly strong daughter you have and you for being there for her. What an example!! I will suggest that in this next year before he is released from our failing system that you and your daughter need to continue to ensure that your her story be heard, that politicians take heed and listen to what the ramifications can be if they don’t still do something and that it is not only about your daughter whom I honor, but many women that have no voice, she is their voice. Not only will this process allow her to continue her journey of healing the pain that she has been through but also make change that will set the example for all situations like your daughters. I am so proud of her and I honor you as well for supporting and not judging your daughter. Thank you for all you have done and also for your kind words and encouragement.
February 24th, 2010 at 5:33 pm
Yeah, I suddenly found myself living my dreams when that side of him came out & stayed. I was in a new city for almost a year, but the problem was I was close to 1000 miles away from home or family (who honestly couldn’t help me anyway). He threatened to take my beloved cats from me and I stayed. I had some family nearby and I was close with them until this all happened. Suddenly they stopped calling me or even talking to me, I am sure they called me codpendent, weak, stupid, brainwashed whatever…
I know it sounds dumb that I stayed for my animals but they have been my only family and I stayed because I knew I would never see them again not to mention he wouldn’t care for them.
It took me years to get away, it was hard but I throughout it made friends and as much of a life as I could. When you think there is no one to help you, you are wrong. People love you and want to help. I commend all of you for having the strength to face this issue.
Everyone of us and our children and our animals deserve to be loved and appreciated for the individuals we are and I hope none of you ever forget that.
March 12th, 2010 at 3:43 pm
People asked me this very question while I was enduring an abusive relationship at age 19. What outsiders don’t seem to realize is the emotional and mental control abusers often have over their victims. Those men have a tendency to break you down and make you believe that you have nowhere else to go anyway, so why would you leave? It is never quite as easy to understand a situation from an outsiders perspective. Luckily for me, the man I was involved with went to prison for a number of unrelated charges, and that was my way out. Though I will admit that I was stuck in the situation even after he was gone. It’s a very difficult thing to describe. Looking back, I still can’t believe that was actually me in that situation but I am glad for my experience because it has made me a better, stronger indivdual. I now know who I am and how I should and should not be treated. I saw Sin by Silence at the Cleveland Film Festival last year. My mother and I were moved to tears. It was such an emotional, heart wrenching but eye opening film. The film is the topic of a research paper I am writing for school. I would like to thank you for all of your hard work and dedication to this cause. It is very inspiring. Best of luck to you
April 23rd, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Wonderful insight
June 8th, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Steph, WOW!! I am so proud of the insight you have gained through your experience and hope that you are able to share that with your friends and ask how they are in their relationships as well. It is hard to think that person was once who we were, the amazing thing is today we are EMPOWERED and free from abuse!! Go Girl!