Brenda Clubine

Sin By Silence will be airing on Investigation Discovery. This is such an amazing opportunity to touch lives, especially those who are still trapped in an abusive relationship at this time. I was thinking about when I felt so trapped and alone. I felt like there was no one I could trust anymore. I knew that since my abuser, the one person in my life that said he loved me was literally destroying me as a person, I remember the feeling of being in fear 24/7 worrying about every little thing I was doing or was going to do,  I had no idea what to even do.  I had no friends left, because anyone who even had the courage to still be in my life, were so afraid to even try and reach out to me any more due to past events from my abuser destroying their homes, threatening them, etc. I remember it felt so overwhelming to me, I felt so alone, it was almost as if I had been left behind by everyone.

There was no question to me that no one really understood what I was going through. That all of their well meaning advice really didn’t help when what I needed most was just one person to truly hear me, to tell me I wasn’t alone, that they would help me. That I deserved better, that the abuse could end and that I could safe. WOW, what I would have given just to hear those words.

Today, I am writing this so whoever you are reading this now, that you know, that you are not alone, that I understand the nightmare you are living, that although it seems like it’s never going to end and there is no escaping the abuse, it can end, there are resources and options available to you today that were not available to me when I needed it most. It’s okay to be afraid, you can do it. I never thought I could as much as I tried, over and over to leave many times, I kept going back for many reasons, the biggest being I didn’t know better, the threats got worse and worse, there was no where else to turn. It took a lot of strength and courage to leave each time that I did, I jst never understood at the time that I could have made it, I never thought I could. Let me tell you that you can make it, that you don’t have to live in a nightmare any more.

Reach out to someone, anyone that you feel in your gut is going to help you make that step. I’ve learned a lot about following my gut or instinct if that’s what they call it, I no longer live in fear every day, I am proud of who I am, I will no longer tolerate any form of abuse in my life. I want you to know, most importantly, YOU ARE NOT ALONE…feel free to get in touch even if you just need someone to talk to. Thanks for the chance to share my experience with you.

On Saturday, June 11, 2011 Every 9 Seconds held their first Official Board Meeting.  What an amazing group of on fire individuals. What makes it so exciting is that partnering with Sin By Silence enables Every 9 Seconds to continue to break the silence and educate people.

Each board member brings some new and refreshing ideas as to the best way we can spread the message that “any kind of abuse is wrong.”  I am truly living my life’s dream, with all the excitement and ferver of a child on their first real Christmas.

Thank you each and every one of you who have been a part of making Every 9 Seconds a success. Keep posted on my blog, on our website and on Facebook, these next several months about what is coming up.

Thanks everyone for your support!

April 20th I had the opportunity to share with the ladies at the Women’s Shelter of Long Beach and go to the Youth Outreach Group. What an awesome time I had. The ladies at the shelter ROCKED in a way that is absolutely indescribable. I honor and am so proud of them all, for making the decisions they’ve made to be where they are. It is not an easy decision that is made lightly, especially when children are involved.

Speaking of children, one of the ladies had been there for I believe 20 days, and she had her baby which was about 10 - 15 days old. What an awesome group of staff at the shelter and the outreach center, these individuals are completely committed to making a difference there is NO question they care from their heart. As the young people arrived to see the screening of Sin By Silence they were given the opportunity to pick a piece of paper from a bowl open it up and as they watched the film identify with the person they chose.

Once the film was over the staff asked the young people if they had a chance to say anything to me what would they say, several of them spoke out and said things, then the staff said, well why not say it to Brenda directly. When I walked into the room, you should have seen the looks on their faces it was absolutely priceless. It was exciting to interact with these young people and hear what their questions were and concerns. WOW! I was so impressed with how young and yet how much they knew about teen dating violence and domestic violence. They made the choice to be there, they didn’t have to be there. That sure says a lot about these young people making change not only in their own lives but in the lives of their friends. They are survivors! either personally or have seen it.

I was so honored to have been able to share with them and proud of them for making the decision to be a part of making change, STOPPING THE VIOLENCE! Thanks again everyone for giving me the chance to share the afternoon with you all, I am forever touched by each and everyone of you.

Don’t let my reality become another person’s nightmare! 

Share the story of my journey and CWAA with your family and friends this October, and help create awareness during Domestic Violence Awareness Month!

Click here to order your copy of Sin by Silence and start making a difference!

Prevention Connection: The Violence Against Women Prevention Partnership is a national project of the California Coalition Against Sexual Assault. The goal of Prevention Connection is to advance the primary prevention of violence against women by facilitating information sharing among people who are engaged in such efforts.  Click here to have a listen to the interview with myself and the Sin by Silence team.

I recently had the amazing opportunity to be part of the California Partnership to End Domestic Violence Legislative Action Days in Sacramento, California at the State Capitol. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not as if I haven’t been fighting for victims now for more than 28 years, it’s just that being able to be there in person and truly have the chance to make a difference opened my my eyes in a way that I found to be very profound. It became very real to me that as we met with Assemblymembers and Senators we were the voice of countless nameless, faceless victims that could not speak for themselves due to being trapped in an abusive relationship.

We spoke of how imperative it is that SBX 313 be supported, or all of the shelters across the state will have no funding as their current funds are gone effective June 30th. How can anyone ask “why does she stay,” when we have the audacity not to ensure a safe place for her to go to when she does finally garner the courage to make that step and call? I have been asked more times than I would like to admit why didn’t I leave, and I say the same thing every time. If there was a simple answer to that question I would be rich! But, there isn’t…because for everyone it is different. I could begin by saying “I didn’t know better.” Then I could say that the threats and isolation left me feeling as though there there was no place for me to go. I could say when I did get the courage to call a shelter I felt utter helplessness when I was told they were full and could not help me. I could say that my husband would tirelessly hunt me down until he would find me and remind me that I could and would never survive without him. I was nothing and I believed it lock, stock and barrel.

I am grateful to be able to go to the Capitol and know that victims voices are being heard through people like myself and the members of CPEDV as well as the Sin By Silence filmmakers. I can truly say this was an experience for a lifetime to remember and I hope that I will have many more opportunities to advocate on behalf of domestic violence victims and survivors. This was my dream come true that I had waited to do and only could dream of.

You see, we can all make a difference!!

There was once a time when I felt so alone and broken that I never imagined I would be able to feel any different. Coming from an abusive childhood and then in an abusive marriage, I knew in my spirit it was no good but I just didn’t know what to do. I felt as though I was not going to survive.

What makes the difference today? I am continuing to heal from my abusive past and that it is possible to do. But, I work with other victims in the hopes they do not have to live the same nightmare I lived at one time. It is awesome to know that I am not alone and I control my decisions for me today!

I remember cowering in the corner and actually begging my abuser to go ahead and hit me! I would rather that than be called the names I was being called and being told all the ugly things that could possibly be said about me. I actually thought I was all those words that were said.

It is not something that leaves scars on the outside, but on the inside and it was hard to explain to people what I was feeling. The great part is, today I know better! The healing has taken hold and I know that love doesn’t hurt and that words are very powerful. I also know that I am the keeper of life today, no one controls me.

WOW!! I can’t believe the Sin By Silence Tour has actually come to an end. I have had the most amazing and profound experiences being on the tour the past couple of months. I never imagined really being able to see and feel the passion and fire for change in the communities we were lucky enough to be a part of. I have personally met some awesome people and organizations that truly are working to make a difference. Could it get any better than this? NO!! And if you haven’t checked out Sin by Silence yet you can visit www.SinBySilence.com

I am beyond words grateful for Sin By Silence and the social change it has been effecting and will continue to do. The opportunity I was given, thanks to all those who contributed to this life changing documentary, and all those who sponsored us over the past several months in your homes, organizations, and communities is priceless. I look forward to continuing our new found relationships and working with those who continue to make a difference. I wish I could truly put into words what this entire experience has given me personally. I can only in what small way that I can, let each and every one who I have met know, that I am touched and thank you all for your support, and love.

It’s been an amazing journey touring the country with Sin by Silence to help start important conversations that can save lives!