Brenda Clubine

Last night I received a text message from another young lady who attended the screening which she gave me her name and wrote “I don’t want to be a statistic anymore, but I don’t know how to stop it”. This was so profound for me to know that this young lady was able to see the consequence of abuse both through the film and my personal story and reached out for help.

I called her and we were able to discuss her current situation and tap her into local resources that can assist her in making the change she so desperately was needing. Sometimes all it takes is listening.

We arrived in Arizona on Sunday evening and got settled in to where we are staying. On Monday we first went to ASU where I spoke to a class of students.

While speaking to the class I had the opportunity afterward to meet a young lady that spoke up about living in an abusive home and how that has taken a toll with her siblings. Her mother is now in a positive relationship and yet, her siblings are struggling with the anger a childhood of abuse left them with.

This young lady was not sure that she would be able to attend our screening that night at the school. She came to the screening that night and was touched in an amazing way. She was able to understand how her family members could struggle with their anger and not be able to realize that the cycle can be broken by themselves.

Not only was this young lady in attendance for the screening but many other that were searching for answers to either their own abuse or the abuse a family member of friend had or has been suffering.

Later that same evening the young woman who had shared with me, her mother emailed me and told me her daughter was touched and she called me as well. She let me know that this made a difference for their family and said thank you.

It is such a feeling of accomplishment to see the transformation happen once these people have seen SIN BY SILENCE. It opens doors not only for dialog to happen, but for change to be possible when you are feeling there is nothing you can do or no way out. It means just as much to see these people be able to say that this film and listening to me share my personal story has given them the strength to follow through with others in their lives they are concerned about, so that ultimately my nightmare does not become their reality.

Tuesday evening we had the opportunity to make a difference and touch lives at the Central Arizona College for the CAAFAAZ organization. Although this could be considered a small group, some very touching and personal sharing took place.

I was absolutely amazed upon asking how many survivors were present that in particular a young man raised his hand. That there is no longer a need to feel alone and not safe to identify their personal suffering as a victim of abuse, now being a survivor.

This young man shared with me his personal story that truly touched my heart, and that how seeing SIN BY SILENCE and listening to me speak about my personal journey has truly given him the strength to heal.

There was also a very young girl present that on the same day had made a decision to stand up against a bully at school that had been torturing her with threats of abuse. She shared how difficult it was to tell her parents that she had been going through this and the shame she was feeling and the blame she was ultimately placing on herself for what was happening.

It was so great to hear her say that she needed to hear me say that it wasn’t her fault that she has done nothing wrong. She was approximately 12 years old and this young woman has taken a stand to no longer be a victim to this sort of abuse even though the school system has essentially told her that they won’t do anything until someone hears this take place or something happens.

This is the same indifference all victims of abuse are faced with when attempting to report their abuse. Are we still blaming the victim? Hasn’t our society evolved enough to act on these types of abuse immediately without suggesting the victim handle the situation themselves?

Both of these people attending who shared their personal stories with me are the true heroes to me. The strength that it takes to step forward and speak out is the beginning.

So, once again on the road we headed for Tacoma, Washington. Wow, talk about amazing beauty. Both Olivia and myself have decided that there is an awesome smell, believe it or not, it’s actually clean air, go figure it really does exist.

As I blogged earlier, I was given the chance to see the inner workings of the Crystal Judson Family Justice Center. What an amazing place, I never could have imagined that places like this would ever exist although they are so very needed. This Center offers women a service that women could not get otherwise. What struck me the most was the air of safety and support.

All I can say about this center in particular is that they need support from their local community, call them ask what you can do to make a difference, we all are part of making change.

That evening we screened at the Grand Cinema, we had a decent group of people who chose to be there and watch Sin By Silence we then began a question and answer period. It was great to feel that Tacoma gets it and that Domestic Violence is every one’s problem not just those who are victims. Thanks Tacoma for the chance to be here.

During this time as you have already read, I have had the chance to speak with students at Pacific Lutheran University. These are amazing young people and again this evening I will have the opportunity to speak after the screening. I look forward to seeing these young impressionable students and their reaction to the documentary. Like I say each and every time when I begin speaking, you can not help but be changed after seeing this heart rendering film. See you tonight.

Wow!! what a fantastic evening last night at Pacific Lutheran University. The students who attended were absolutely awesome and eager to learn and on fire to make change. You would not believe how many post cards to the women they took to send and this is so great!!!!

As I spoke to these young people last night I felt such a strong feeling of acceptance and support. I asked them as young people to buy the DVD and give it to a friend that wasn’t able to see Sin By Silence and not ask for it back, sort of a pay it forward concept. I believe this will happen as well, as these young people can hold their own screening for their friends.

I am so touched by the many stories several of them shared with me. All of those who attended last night young and old, have been forever changed by what they saw. I hope they continue to keep in touch with us as we move forward on this tour.

Thank you, to each and every single one of you who attended at PLU. You are all so amazing and I look forward to being in touch, and of course, friends on Facebook.

Today we went to Seattle to do some sight seeing before we leave Washington. Believe it or not I actually saw a Troll under a bridge. Yes, I know you’re probably thinking I’ve lost my mind but, I actually saw a troll.

From there we went to Gas Works Park which was pretty awesome to see the planes take off from Union Lake. The Ducks were a trip to say the least, something that drives and floats, never imagined seeing something like that.

Then on to Pike Place Market, I have never been to Farmer’s market so it seems that it is essentially the same. The flowers were amazing, the fish catchers were fun to watch as they would catch them flying over the counter to wrap in paper.

We had lunch at a place where we sat with a view of the Ferry boats and the islands on the other side. It was beautiful.

Last but not least, we went to the Space Needle. OMG!! I was terrified of being up that high. I know the ground (floor) was moving under my feet. It was scary being the same level as a helicopter. The view however was the most breathtaking scene I had ever seen before.

After an amazing day of sight seeing it was time to say good-bye to Washington and head back to California for more screenings of Sin By Silence.

Thanks Washington for hosting Sin By Silence it was fantastic….

As most of you know, I am still in Washington right now and loving every moment of it. I wanted to take a moment and talk about my journey to where I am right now.

First of all, I love to drive. There is such a freedom to being behind the wheel, and although having to pay attention to the road at the same time, just knowing there is really no end to the road is so amazing.

As our journey began first up the state of California, I was given the opportunity to meet a family member of the Director of Sin By Silence. It was great to meet her and her family and have a great meal.

From there we headed up the coast to Salinas where I was able to spend time with a lifetime friend and her hubby. It was great to be given the chance to feel normal and sight see and have the chance to see the amazing beauty of Monterey, California.

This stop was made even better with the prospect of being able to bring Sin By Silence into the communities of both Salinas and Monterey at some later time. Having the opportunity to make this connection was huge and rewarding.

On the road again, we headed toward Berkeley where we would spend the next couple of nights at the home of my Writ attorney who was ultimately responsible for my freedom due to her many hours of hard work and that of those who assisted her hour, after hour day after day, not really knowing how it would all come to an end. It was awesome being able to sit in her kitchen at the same table those who worked on my case brain storming would sit at themselves, how cool is that!!

Our trip to the Bay began with a screening at USF which was once again amazing. The students posed some life changing questions and I could see they really wanted to make a difference once they watched Sin By Silence. This was the first event of the Gender Women’s Studies area of the University. The passion these students have is quite evident, they want to make change and that is where it begins.

Also while in the Bay area, we were able to have several events, including one in San Carlos with two vital organizations that specifically hosted us and our ability to share with many other organizations that were present at the event. This was an awesome opportunity to give people that little added boost to let them know how very vital what they are doing is. How it matters so very much, no matter which field in particular you are in, it’s making the difference that counts.

We were also to do a screening at UCB in the Boalt Hall area with students that are currently taking law as well as those who work in other fields as well. It was a chance for me to meet Nancy Lemon the expert on Battering and it’s Effects also. I had heard of her for years, and never thought I would have the opportunity to meet her in person. It was great to motivate those in attendance in a way that only this possible once you have seen this amazing documentary of Domestic Violence survivors.

The next stop would be a woman I had met at the beginning of my journey through the system. I was given a tour of San Francisco which by the way, she called her ten cent tour. What a great place, the buildings, oh and don’t let me forget to mention the streets, that go up and down like riding a roller coaster, the massive bridges, the cable cars, etc. what a great time.

Winding down our trip to San Francisco we had an awesome screening in conjunction with Free Battered Women at the Roxie Theater. This was an awesome event, not only because this was an opportunity to educate others about domestic violence, but I was able to see a co-survivor I had not been able to see since approximately 1991. This meant alot to me and I want her to know personally that her strength truly touches my heart. I am immensely proud of her and what she is doing to continue to make change as well. There was a good crowd of people and again, I left feeling like our purpose had been served, that people get it and that it matters to them. How awesome!!!!

For the second time this week I was given the opportunity to speak to a class at Pacific Lutheran University. What an amazing group of young adults that are so obviously eager to learn.

I have spoken about gender issues specifically how domestic violence affects women as well as what would have happened had I been able to have a social worker intervene on my behalf. I couldn’t imagine taking classes such as these and be able to see the potential of a career at the young ages these students currently are.

I could see what the topic of domestic violence made them think as the looks on their faces would change and there would be this awesome light of hope in their eyes.

It means so much to me that I have this chance to hopefully make a difference in these young lives, I wish I had someone when I was younger. Who knows, maybe, just maybe there is some young woman that really needed to hear what I had to say so that she will only allow herself to be in an abusive free relationship.

So, here’s a big thank you to the students I was able to share with, I wish you all much luck ahead.

I can hardly believe that I am on tour with Sin By Silence. We had another awesome screening last night at the Grand Cinema in Tacoma, Washington.

I was able to have a tour of the Crystal Judson Family Justice Center and again was reminded how many changes have happened since I was so desperately in need of help. I could never have imagined there would be a place that would not only offer safety while trying to gain assistance, but the ability to obtain a Protective Order right from your chair at a computer kiosk.

As I saw this, I felt the tears fill my eyes at the prospect of knowing women finally have a real chance. They don’t have to go to court for days in a row and be met with an unjust and unfeeling system.

I have had the amazing opportunity to tour the Family Justice Center in Anaheim, California as well and I am awe struck and touched beyond measure to see these organizations in process making progress where it matters most.

I am both heartfelt and eternally grateful to have had the opportunity to see this service offered to the community of Tacoma. One day, it is my sincere wish that each community across the United States will also offer a Family Justice Center.

Thank you for giving me the chance to be a part of your amazing program. Keep on making a difference!

This afternoon I finally had the chance to watch the interview with Larry King and Chris Brown, his mother and legal counsel.

I must be honest and say, now that I actually watched the interview, I am so disappointed. Chris kept vacillating between saying that he couldn’t remember what happened and he didn’t choose to speak on the subject for privacy reasons for both their sakes.

Somehow the interview was repeatedly turned to his mother stating that her son would never be violent. How does this minimize or change what happened?

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m certainly not saying it was his mothers fault, but what I was left feeling after she stated several times that she felt sorry for what he was going through. I understand about being a mother, but when as a mother do we allow our children to stand up and take full responsibility for their actions.

It certainly was not his mother’s fault that he was violent I only ask that she not feel like she needs to make any excuses for him also.

I was further struck by the fact that Larry King brought up that in the probation report it stated that there had been two previous incidents between Chris and Rihanna. I had no clue this happened before and let me say that this will continue to happen, in other relationships that Chris chooses to have as long as he doesn’t truly understand that his behavior is unacceptable and that intervention by professionals is what is needed.

I again must hope and mention that all those young men out there that emulate Mr. Brown realize by saying there is no book that speaks how to handle anger is NOT the anwser but an excuse. Hopefully Chris will truly get the help he so desperately needs to change this violent behavior.

On Wednesday evening we had the opportunity to screen Sin By Silence at Vanguard University in Costa Mesa. What an absolutely amazing group of all ages that attended. I would say there were approximately 400 to 450 people in attendance.

It was wonderful to hear the questions these young people asked and to see the light bulbs go on in their minds. We gave many audience members a red flag, this flag represented what that particular person will not tolerate in their current relationship or the one they may have in the future.

Several people approached me after the event and asked to speak with me personally. One woman in particular asked me if I would speak on the phone right then and there to her sister. She confided in me that her sister was no longer in an abusive relationship however, it still creeps up and now at times interferes with her new relationship.

It meant alot to me that this young lady wanted to know my opinion and feelings regarding this issue. It isn’t always comfortable to come forward and many of the young people on Wednesday night took a huge step by attending this event and making a stand against domestic violence.

These young people are our future, and through the documentary we are able to educate and create thought that is necessary to stop the cycle of abuse in many homes including their own lives and that of possibly their friends.

It takes asking to make a difference and listening to make change. Thank you to everyone who attended. This film certainly speaks for itself. If you have not had the chance to attend a screening in your local area, go to www.sinbysilence.com, you will be able to purchase the DVD. Once you have seen this documentation of survivors of abuse your life will be changed forever without any doubt.

Ask a friend, family member, anyone in your life, is everything okay? MAKE A DIFFERENCE

Today I was sitting in the dentist office lobby and beside me was a woman and her husband. Suddenly, I heard the man say to what I assume was his wife to “shut up and sit still.” It caught me quite by surprise, to say the least, and I was getting more concerned by the moment with his behavior. I sat still and heard her ask him if she could read the magazine he was reading when he had finished, and his response absolutely shook me. He said, “if I wanted you to read a magazine I would have given you one”. Wow did this make me suddenly feel as though I was going to throw up.

I was torn instantly between saying something or not saying something. Which would you have done? After taking a moment to catch my breath, I realized that if I said anything right then she could be hurt then if not later for sure. Eventually she was called to the back to be seen and so was I.

Upon finishing my appointment I returned to the waiting area to exit, and saw him sitting there in his assumed glory. Not realizing that he really was a very small man in many ways with the smug look he had on his face. I wanted to say something to him so badly and yet I chose for the safety of the woman to not say a word.

I exited the building and got in my car, as I drove down the street I began to question if I made the right choice and was there something I should have done. My answer to myself then became that I should have searched her out in the back area where she was being seen and ask her if she needed help.

Wow!! How many of us do the same thing? Walk away and then later decide or question what we did do? I can’t be disappointed in myself, I need to see it as yet another learning experience and know without question that if that were to ever happen again, I will most assuredly turn back and ask if she is okay.

So what’s the right thing? Make a stand without putting someone in danger.